Forgive Us Our Sins

by Kitty Davis

“Forgive us our sins

As we forgive those who sin against us.”  (Lord’s Prayer)

The Lord taught us to pray. The Lord instructed us, “Use this language– Forgive us our sins, God, as we forgive others.” Sounds as if we are striking some sort of bargain when we speak these words. More often than not, however, I pray that God does not keep God’s side of this particular bargain.

The magazine Spirituality and Health recently published an article by Desmond Tutu. The article is entitled, “Why We Forgive.” The answer, interestingly, is not because God told us to forgive – as indeed God did.    Apparently that is not quite enough for we humans. We desire “better” reasons.

For Tutu personally, the necessity of forgiveness began early in his life. The Archbishop and recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize tells of the early days of his childhood. He grew up in a home in which he witnessed his father verbally and physically abusing his mother. Tutu remembers those days in this way, “I can still recall the smell of alcohol, see the fear in my mother’s eyes, and feel the hopeless despair that comes when we see people we love hurting each other in incomprehensible ways.” This situation bred in this world-renowned spiritual leader a desire to hurt his father in return. Instead, he learned to practice forgiveness.

CS Lewis on Forgiveness

Tutu states that pain perpetrated through the hands of another is real. The feeling of outrage and unfairness is often accurate and appropriate. However, hurting another in return rarely satisfies, rarely rectifies. Instead, Tutu suggests, without forgiveness we will remain tied to the perpetrator. We remain bound in chains of bitterness. The one who harmed us retains the key to our happiness. We are in a prison of the hardness of our hearts.

We harm ourselves through our inability to release resentments. We damage our physical hearts by withholding forgiveness. The inability to forgive has been linked to heart disease, high blood pressure, and many other chronic stress- related illnesses. We damage our souls through self-inflicted additional suffering. Even more importantly, as human beings we exist in a network of connections and interdependence. Tutu admonishes us with the consideration that if we are unforgiving on an individual level, we impact our families. When we impact our families, then we impact our community. When we impact our communities, we impact our world.

Rembrandt’s “The Return of the Prodigal Son”

God told us to forgive; sometimes that does not seem like reason enough to do so. It might be reason enough, however, if we understood that forgiveness is the method through which we, and the world, will finally and conclusively be healed.

The Rev. Deacon Kitty Davis serves as deacon to St. James Episcopal Church. Kitty is also a therapist and is a native Wilmingtonian. She and her husband enjoy life on the waterfront, life with dogs, and being grandparents.